gorillas don’t know any bodybuilding techniques so we have probably never seen one at full potential

posted 5 hours ago with 65,307 notes
via:bottomvich source:dadreversal


a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

posted 5 hours ago with 132,898 notes
via:kristen-wiig source:verylittlebird


some of the people on my dash i just assume are their icons bc i’ve never seen their pics so it’s like “oh look gandalf is up late bloggin again” 

posted 6 hours ago with 100,024 notes
via:kevinmckidd source:asphyxion

physics is fake gravity doesnt exist fuck isaac newton old white ass

(Source: fall2000)

posted 6 hours ago with 17,026 notes
via:kevinmckidd source:fall2000

Happy Birthday, Selena Gomez! (July 22nd 1992)

(Source: happy22ndbirthdayselenagomez)

Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting, see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk - you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people, baby girl. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off. If you hate how he acts when he’s out of it now, you’re going to hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit. —inkskinned, “My father’s recipe for the man I should marry” (via partygirlmeltdown)s

(Source: thelovewhisperer)

posted 7 hours ago with 181,993 notes
via:kevinmckidd source:thelovewhisperer
There’s no point to a guy yelling, “Hey sexy baby” at me out of the passenger window of a car as it speeds past. Even if I was into creepy misogynists and wanted to give him my number, I couldn’t. The car didn’t even slow down. But that’s okay, because he wasn’t actually hitting on me. The point wasn’t to proposition me or chat me up. The only point was to remind me, and all women, that our bodies are his to stare at, assess, comment on, even touch. “Hey sexy baby” is the first part of a sentence that finishes, “this is your daily message from the patriarchy, reminding you that your body is public property”. —My First Name Ain’t Baby: ‘Hey Baby’ and Street Harassment (via official-mens-frights-activist)
posted 8 hours ago with 36,913 notes
via:bottomvich source:official-mens-frights-activist



Actors that don’t have the same accent as their characters fuck with my head.


posted 10 hours ago with 3,439 notes
via:benbruckner source:momentary-ecstasy




honestly sometimes in school people say the most ridiculous shit and I make this face and look somewhere at an imaginary camera like I’m on The Office

My school has security cameras in every classroom and I’ve done this at least 3 times each class this entire year. Today the security guard came up to me and told me I was his hero. 


(Source: epic-vines)

posted 2 days ago with 204,066 notes
via:bigtunahalpert source:epic-vines
shrek's kid: dad... i'm... i'm gay
shrek: well, better out than in, i always say, eh? heheheheh someBODY ONCE
posted 2 days ago with 64,388 notes
via:barebackinq source:dajo42


if youre having a bad day just watch this

posted 2 days ago with 391,321 notes
via:nerdycommunity source:casualbutthole